Baby Update
August 17, 2008
Erm, there is no baby yet.
I was on call with the hospital all day today. They told me, so helpfully vaguely, that I would be contacted between 9am and 10pm and told what was up. I didn’t sleep so hot last night, being all anxious and whatnot. Got up at 8:30 and ran around with my parents who are in town until Tuesday morning.
Ran around some more. Held my phone in my hand all damn day. Got a pedicure, courtesy of my stepmother. Got home at around 6:00 and hadn’t heard anything more from the hospital. Was frustrated, still exhausted, still anxious. I was also feeling the pressure of time. My parents are, literally, only here until Tuesday morning and then they HAVE to head back to Idaho because my stepmother is a teacher and school kinda starts.
I took a nap and was woken up at 6:45 by the hospital calling. The woman on the phone said they weren’t going to be able to induce me today after all, but to come in around 7:45 and they’d do an exam and see where we were at and figure things out from there.
From that point on, I’ve been a raving bitch.
Went to the hospital at 7:45, was checked out (am only 2 cm dilated), was hooked up to the fetal monitoring machine. Doctor came in and hey, good news, they’re going to induce me after all.
Some uncomfortable probing later (and being force-fed water because I’m dehydrated at this point), the gel is in and now I have to stay and be hooked up to machines for the next hour to monitor baby’s progress.
By about the 45 minute point, I’m ready to scream. I’m SO uncomfortable, my hips hurt, I have to pee like a banshee thanks to all that water, I’m having what may or may not be contractions, but they hurt and they suck.
Finally, my hour is up and they unhook me. I can barely stand up because I feel so damn stiff and tight and feeling uncomfy in places that should never have to be uncomfy.
And now, I’m far more terrified of my impending labor than ever because, seriously, if I was THAT miserable and uncomfortable after ONE HOUR of PRACTICALLY NOTHING, I am never going to survive this. Oh. My. God. What. The. Hell. Am. I. Doing.
So now I wait. I could go into labor overnight. I could have to go back on call with the hospital tomorrow to get a second and a third dose of gel.
The doctor said baby will be delivered either tomorrow or Tuesday though so… you probably won’t hear from me for a few days. If you’ve given me your number, you’ll get a text at my earliest opportunity (from either myself or my husband), letting you know she’s made it safely and, well, I’ll be back here whenever I can.
Wish me luck.
Induction To The Labor Hall Of Fame
August 14, 2008
A phone conversation between myself and my husband.
Me: So my appointment went fine today. Doc said everything looks fine and we’ll go ahead with inducing my labor on Sunday if I haven’t gone already.
Derek: So how does that work?
Me: I go in and they give me some gel stuff and then I go home and wait.
Derek: Where do they put the gel?
Me: Well, I didn’t ask, uh, specifically, but I would guess it would go somewhere near my nether regions. You know, where the contractions need to start happening.
Derek: You mean they won’t just like, put it on your pinky finger?
Me: Uhm. No. Pretty sure it doesn’t go on my pinky finger. But nice try.
In other news, if you’re going to be induced, don’t look it up on the internet. The internet is mean and evil and tells you nasty things about increased risk of hemorrhaging, nausea, and fever.
Attitude
August 9, 2008
I’ve been thinking a lot about attitude lately. My own, the attitudes of those close to me… just attitude. The thing is, it’s so easy to forget just how big a role it can play in how you live your life and in what you choose to let get to you.
I have never been a road rage kind of a girl. I don’t really care if I’m not going quite the speed limit because the guy in front of me has yet to make friends with his gas pedal. Whatever, I’ll get where I’m going eventually. Some people that I know, my husband and one of his friends in particular, let every other asshole on the road ruin their day. Someone cuts them off? They fly into a rage and honk and curse and talk about it for the next five blocks. Then everybody in the car is pissy and why? What the hell is the point? That asshole didn’t learn anything from the temper tantrum. That asshole didn’t even know there WAS a temper tantrum.
I have my weak attitude moments, too, don’t get me wrong. I’m not just posting here to rag on my poor husband. No no. Me? I’m an anxious ball of nerves. I let my need for approval and my fears of the unknown consume me until I want nothing more than to curl trembling in a corner where nobody can see me. I know that this does me no good whatsoever. I know it. I know that Joe Schmoe doesn’t realize that his sneer at me has left me feeling severely inadequate and that if he did know, he probably wouldn’t care. I know that my completely stupid fears are just that- completely stupid fears. And yet, I let them beat me down until I’m cranky, irritable and on edge.
I was talking to my husband today after he had a particularly rough day and I was getting frustrated because he does what a lot of people do. When something goes wrong, you let it shake you. Then, when something else goes wrong (and normally something that would barely attract your attention on any other day), it stacks up on the other wrong. Then another thing and another thing until you’re searching for bad things just so that you can prove that the world is against you and that your day is total shit. Well, yeah. If you’re looking that hard for trouble, you’re going to find it even if you have to invent it. You ruin your own day.
I need to work on my attitude.
If I go into the delivery room thinking that this labor and birth is going to be the most frightening and the most painful thing that I’ve endured, then it’s going to be and I will have only myself to blame for it. If I go into this thinking that it might hurt and that it might suck, but the end result is going to be this amazing little child and that she is going to be worth ten times the pain of every contraction, then THAT is going to be what I get out of this and that, my friends, is what I want.
Wish Me Luck
August 6, 2008
Every single time I try to update this sucker, I blow up the damn blog. If you swing by and see the site acting up or acting unusual, well, I probably did it again.
In the meantime, hold your horses while I try to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
*So I followed all the steps and uhm, I don’t think I’m updated, but I don’t think I’m broken either. Interesting. Oh well. I tried.
#23 - Derek
August 6, 2008
Not the one I married. I went to elementary school and this kid was the bane of my existence. He was the one who teased me and taunted me on the playground and generally made my recess experience miserable. In hindsight, his insults were lame (at best) and he wasn’t exactly the epitome of perfection either. His name and face have stuck with me through the years, though.
Top Three Ways To Freak Me Out
July 29, 2008
… if you’re my OB/GYN.
(1) Tell me that the baby’s cord is wrapped around her neck. Insist that it’s no big deal, but that I should be aware of it, and oh, if the baby stops moving completely or there’s a big decrease in movement- go to the hospital right away. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
(2) Tell me that my blood pressure is up and send me for bloodwork to make sure there’s no issue there.
(3) Tell me that I may be pregnant longer than the three weeks that I anticipated as due to baby’s size in the last ultrasound (just a small 5.8 lbs as of the ultrasound on July 18th) and my due date may be more like August 28th instead of August 17th.
As if I wasn’t anxious and panicky already.
Ranting From A Panicked Brain
July 24, 2008
I haven’t posted in a few days because I keep trying to think of anything to write other than, “OH MY GOD I AM HAVING A BABY AND IT IS HAPPENING SOON.”
I haven’t thought of anything yet.
OH MY GOD I AM HAVING A BABY AND IT IS HAPPENING SOON.
Phew.
Glad I got that out.
See, here’s the thing. Everybody that I talk to who has had children, has spent the last month-ish of their pregnancy just wanting the baby OUT. They are tired of being pregnant, tired of it and they want to meet their son or daughter. Me? I’m perfectly okay with staying pregnant for forever if it means never having to find out exactly where my personal pain threshold is.
My method of coping is… panic and denial. It’s working out nicely. Have I packed a hospital bag? Nope. Have I washed the first set of baby clothes? Nope. Do I even have a car seat? Yeah, uhm, no.
The knowledge that drugs will be available to me doesn’t even make me feel better. I’m terrified of the epidural. Hi, big needle. In my back. Ow. I know that I have other options (gas, etc) but I’m just not confident in their ability to STOP THE PAIN. The pain that I have no concept of because I’ve never been through this. But I know that it will hurt, and therefore, I panic.
This, my friends, is me at three weeks before my due date. Welcome to my world.
*By the way, if you want to know that I’ve gone into labor via text message, drop me a line with your phone number and I’ll include you in the list. No guarantees- these things are unpredictable. So I’ve been told.
#22 - Peggy
July 17, 2008
I met Peggy on my first day of work at my first call center job. She was cute and funny and we found ourselves partnered up on more than one occasion to learn the job. Within a month she had managed to pawn a kitten off on me (and I couldn’t be more happy that she did- I love my cat). Two years later she was promoted to a new location and I was moving to Canada and while we never lost contact completely, we really didn’t talk. She recently married and we’re making plans to meet up and catch up on old times. I miss this girl.
Impulse Buy
July 12, 2008
You know that you have a problem with impulse buys when your grand plan for the day is to stay in bed until late afternoon and then hit up IKEA to buy shelves, and instead you end up buying a car.
No seriously.
In our defense, we were only a month away from the planned purchase of a vehicle and the dealership is going to pay our last lease payment for us, but still…
At least now I’ll have my four-door vehicle before the baby comes instead of a month after. Technically the financing could fall through and we won’t have a new (used) car after all. The fact still remains that we went shopping for shelves and wound up with a car. Go us.
I Wanna Have Boobies
July 11, 2008
My friend sent me an instant message just a few minutes ago telling me that he’d just watched The Pussycat Dolls new video and he realized right then that they epitomized all that was wrong with America.
I immediately made my way over to YouTube and found the video to watch it myself. Seriously. It is a sad sad day when the chorus of a hit song, sung by young impressionable girls all over the nation- hell, the world- goes like this:
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
You don’t see the problem? Go listen to the song. It doesn’t sound like that’s what they’re singing. I swear up and down that the last line there is, “I wanna have boobies.” A quick search of the internet, including the message board on the Pussycat Dolls’ own website, shows that I’m not the only one hearing these lyrics wrong.
I don’t care what they say. They’re singing that they want to have boobies when they grow up and that’s just wrong. Hmph.